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Monday, March 14, 2011

Who Am I to Complain?

"I'd forgotten just how extremely tired [it] makes me. It's the weirdest thing having to sit down and rest after doing something simple like sewing Eli a pair of pants or getting the kids a snack."

That's a quote from my friend Sheri's blog. Sheri is going through this for the second time in two years. She has been preparing for this for a few months; getting her house in order, the fridge stocked with foods the kids can get/prepare themselves, summer clothes made, fall curriculum gathered and prepared, freezer foods, recipes for easy foods she or her husband can make. She's been mentally preparing for the physical rigors it brings with it. Coming to terms with the army of needles and tubes preparing to invade her body. She's begun the battle...again. Pretty typical HG right?

Except Sheri doesn't have HG. She has cancer. Again. She's young and has a husband and two small children and she's already fought and beaten cancer once and it's just not fair! It's so hard reading her blog and her facebook updates and knowing that all I can to is offer paltry "support" in the form of a meal and some kind words. I can't really make it any easier or take it away. I can't even join her in the fight. I'm just a witness, and I think...

This is what it's like for my loved ones when I have HG. They must feel so helpless. They must feel so angry. Because unlike Sheri, who didn't choose cancer, I have chosen to continue being open to more children. I have chosen to open myself to the risk of HG over and over again. So who am I to complain? Her sickness is caused by a poison that's not only killing her cancer but also damaging (for a time) her body. Mine is caused by a beautiful new life growing inside of me. She has no guarantee or assurance she'll live through cancer. Hyperemesis is probably not going to kill me, though it gets an A++ for effort.

I'm just feeling very conflicted this morning. I am so very thankful that Sheri has chosen to "blog her cancer". It gives me hope. Is that selfish? I don't know, but it encourages me more than you can imagine. If she can fight cancer, I can fight HG. Again.


  1. I don't think you need to feel bad. She feels ill because she has cancer but her feeling bad doesn't make the people with HG feel better, they just feel ill too. There's plenty of sympathy to go round. I don't think it would help for you to feel guilty for feeling ill with HG and saying what that's like. There's no point in getting competitive about sickness. Wanting a baby doesn't really go hand in hand with deserving to have HG because 'you brought it on yourself'. Being open to pregnancy is just being open to having a baby, the HG is not what you welcome. The sickness of HG has been compared to the sickness of chemo and was found to be worse but that's not to say that chemo isn't horrible and having cancer isn't really horrible. It's just true. Be a good friend to her, that's the best thing to do. I really hope things improve for your friend though. xxx

  2. Sleepwalker (are you really a sleepwalker? I used to sleepwalk terribly when I was a child. I'd use the bathroom all over the house and even LEAVE the house)

    At what point does choosing to have another child become choosing to have HG again? Because I've had 4 pregnancies now. The only one that didn't result in HG ended in a miscarriage at 8 weeks. So, I've had 3 term pregnancies and HG all three times. I think it's safe to say I'm stuck with HG for life. So when I choose to be open to another baby, I really AM "choosing" to be open to HG again.