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Friday, July 1, 2011

Why can't I just stay here?

Last night as I lay in bed I was seized by a fit of anger and panic. If I'm pregnant, where will I give birth? Last pregnancy I moved back down to Pensacola for 4 months, gave birth with my midwife, and traveled back to Georgia when Anna was 6 weeks old. It was so hard! I hated being away from my husband and caring for two children, alone, while suffering from HG and just generally being pregnant was stressful.

This time, however, Sarah will be in school. I can't just pull her out of school for a month. I could go down with the younger two and leave Sarah up here with my husband, but that would mean he wouldn't be there for the birth. Yes, I could call him when I went into labor and he could attempt to make it down, but it's a 4 hour drive if he left immediately upon receiving my call, and last time I didn't even know I was in labor until I was 7cm, and Anna was born an hour later.

I don't see why, why, why I can't just stay here in Georgia, see a CNM, go to the hospital to give birth and just be left alone. Yes, I'm aware of "Dr. Wonderful" in Atlanta, but that's still an hour and a half drive (if it's not rush hour) that I'd have to make each month, and in labor. I'll remind you again, last time I didn't know I was in labor until an hour before baby was born! If I could write the headline to that news story it would read

Woman Gives Birth on Side of Road When Local Doctors Refuse VBAC

My first line of defense will be to make an appointment with the local CNM group and beg them (I'm not above it) to attend a birth with me. My cesarean will have been over 7 years prior, with two uncomplicated VBACs in the meantime. I'll ask them to meet with the OBs in the group, comb over my records, speak with my previous care providers (the ones still living), anything. They might change their minds. Too bad "letters of recommendation" don't help in these sorts of situations. I know my midwife would write a glowing letter for me! My concern here though is that even if they capitulate, they'll place a heavy burden of demands on my pregnancy and labor, demands I won't likely meet. My babies come 1-2 weeks after their due dates, I lose an extreme amount of weight during pregnancy, I always measure small and either have tiny babies or 8lb babies.

So I don't know what I'm going to do. Even if I decided to birth with Dr. Wonderful in Atlanta, I'd have to have a care provider here too because I'd need to be seen frequently to keep up with the HG.

This is what women fail to think of when signing up for that very first cesarean.