Anna Lily is here!

Hi everybody!! Yes, Anna Lily is here :) She was born at 4:49 a.m. this morning after a very short 1 hour 49 minute labor with 4 minutes of pushing. I finally had a completely unmedicated delivery. When I arrived at the hospital I didn't even think I was in labor, but when the nurse checked me I was already 7cm. Then there was a flurry of activity, with everyone rushing around getting ready for Anna. My 4yo daughter was present for the birth and was mildly unimpressed. She wanted to help "catch" Anna and they got her some small gloves so she could, but she changed her mind at the last minute and was content to just stand at the "business end" and watch.

Anna weighed nearly 8lbs. What a triumph and blessing! Remember my other children's birthweights? 3.10 and 5.2! I pushed (roared, more like it) on my hands and knees. I had no idea that the so-called "urge to push" was actually a freight train running through your body that doesn't give you a CHOICE about whether or not to push. I was told several times not to push, which seemed at the time like the most absurd request I'd ever heard. There was no stopping and starting. My body owned the process and I was just along for the ride.
It truly was amazing! Labor didn't hurt, pushing was lots of pain. I really don't even feel like I've just had a baby. Oh, and she's an amazing little nursling!

A wild call and a clear call that may not be denied

I'm in labor! I don't know how long it will last. My last labor was a few days long, so please don't worry if you don't hear anything from me for a few days. For those of you following me on FaceBook, I'll try to update more frequently on there. Meanwhile, here is a poem I think describes labor and birth beautifully (even though it's not written about labor) and also a link to the song I've chosen for Anna's birth photo montage. I'll see you "on the other side"!

Sea Fever

I must down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sail's shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea's face, and a grey dawn breaking.

I must down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.

I must down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull's way and the whale's way where the wind's like a whetted knife;
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick's over.

By John Masefield (1878-1967).

Click HERE to hear Anna's song

Tired. . . tired. . .

Can someone please explain to me why it's so EASY for a woman to have an abortion but so HARD for her to have a VBAC?!

It's such a hard fight. It's even harder when you're so pregnant and tired. I'm just... tired. Is that their plan? Wear us down then cut us?

Some "land of the free". I think our "forefathers" would vomit.

MIA

Sorry I haven't been around. I'm nearly 36 weeks pregnant and I feel like I'm 10,000 weeks pregnant! This week will be very busy. We're making our preparations for our temporary move to "baby Anna's" birth town. I have very little energy and a 4.5 year old and a 2.5 year old.

Has is really been that long since my c-section? Since my VBAC? Wow. . .

Our birth plans are not perfect. Not ideal. I am, however, at peace with our decisions. That's all I could ask of any birth plan. The midwife rolled her eyes when I told her what the VBAC consult doctor told me about only having a 50% chance of a VBAC. She rolls her eyes at much of what the doctor's say and do. She told me that the pain I still have in my perineum from a 2nd degree tear 2.5 years ago is probably because the doctor put in too many stitches.

That's all I can muster right now. I'll be 37 weeks a week from Wednesday (June 3rd), but I have no illusions Anna will come then. Sarah was taken at 37 weeks 1 day, but Caleb was born at 41 weeks.

The woods are lovely
dark and deep
but I have promises to keep
and miles to go before I sleep
and miles to go before I sleep

This is going to get UGLY!

You'd better stand back because this is going to bet ugly!


On Monday I had my dreaded "VBAC consultation" with an obstetrician. I wasn't looking forward to this meeting for several reasons:

1. It seems ridiculous to me to require a woman to have to sign a form stating that she would like to be "allowed" to use her vagina for one of its intended purposes
2. I knew that the consultation would center around the doctor looking over my birth history and then HE would decide if I was a good candidate for VBAC
3. I had a surgical birth for reasons not likely to recur
4. I've ALREADY HAD a VBAC!
5. I have already signed a form stating I understand the risks and benefits of VBAC and cesarean

Overall, the consultation went just as I'd expected. The doctor first asked me if I was having a repeat cesarean or a VBAC (obviously he didn't know I'm seeing the midwife, who is not a surgeon and cannot perform a c-section). Then, before he even examined my prior birth history, the doctor launched into a list of the benefits of a planned repeat cesarean and the risks of VBAC. Yes, it was a discussion of "risks vs benefits", but do you notice what's missing? There was absolutely NO discussion of the risks of repeat cesarean or the benefits of VBAC!

Finally the doctor looks over my birth history (because, don'tchaknow, a doctor has to deem a woman a "good candidate" for a "trial of labor"), and he noticed my children's birth weights (3lbs 10oz at 37 weeks and 5lbs 2 oz at 41 weeks). Then, he dropped a bombshell:

"Well, we can let you try a VBAC if you want to, but I don't really see
it happening. Your other children were so small and this baby is going to be a
normal size. I give you a 50/50 chance. It's just not likely to happen."

WHAT?!?!?!?

First of all, there is no "we". You're not even my care provider, doc! I am giving birth. M-E. Not you. Second, you don't "let me" do anything. You give me the information I need to make an informed decision and then you stand back and let me decide. As far as "not really see[ing] it happening," oh you have no idea how I would adore dragging your butt out of bed and having you watch me push this baby out!

NOW, WHAT IN THE WORLD do you mean I can't give birth to a "normal-sized" baby? I've heard of doctors giving mothers the "big baby card" and the "dead baby card". I have even been given the "small baby card". No wonder the cesarean rate in this country is skyrocketing! You just can't please these doctors!! "You can't birth this baby because she's too small" and "you can't birth this baby because she's just the right size". A nation of schizophrenic obstetricians... and women simply line up to be strapped down--MADNESS!!!!

Now, dear doctor, here is my "VBAC consent form":

• I had a cesarean for reasons not likely to recur.
• I had a low, transverse incision with an uncomplicated physical recovery.
• It has been 4.5 years since my cesarean.
• I have had a subsequent vaginal birth (VBAC).
• I understand that, having had a successful vaginal birth, my risk for uterine rupture is less than 1%.
• I understand that the risks of a repeat cesarean include: death, hemorrhage, blood clots, injury to bladder, bowel, uterus, injury to baby, excessive blood loss and hysterectomy.

I declare myself an autonomous woman, of sound mind and body, and hereby state my decision to have a VBAC.

Signed,

VBACwarrior

Intermission

I won't be around for the next two weeks. We're moving (well, sort of. I'll explain later) and I won't have internet access for awhile. Hey, when I come back I'll be 32 weeks!

To Rixa and Michele, I hope I don't "miss" your births, but I'm afraid I might :( Happy birthing, mamas!

Catching Lizards

April is Cesarean Awareness month

Instead of talking about the shockingly high cesarean rates in the country, instead of bemoaning the multitude of risks that cesareans carry, instead of lauding the benefits of vaginal birth, I have decided to talk about my own personal contribution to "cesarean awareness".

In about ten weeks I will be giving birth to my third child, my second daughter. Though my first daughter didn't get the benefit of a vaginal birth, she has been blessed (and educated) by witnessing my labor with my second child and she will be present for my labor and birth with our new baby girl. We talk a lot about birth in our home. She has seen pictures and videos of women giving birth. She tries to "teach" her little brother about the birth process, and she has an amazing grasp of the process for a four-year-old. She knows that birth is hard and sometimes hurts but, she says, "so it catching lizards!"

I don't know how the "birth culture" in our home will affect my son's view of birth. My hope is that, should he marry a woman who grew up in the same "culture" as he did, he would be fully supportive of her trust in birth and approach it with the same trust.

I do have four sisters, as well, though I'm unsure what influence I've had on them. H hated her cesarean so much that she's decided she doesn't want anymore children. A was so damaged by her cesarean (physically) that she probably can't have anymore children. L gave birth, at age 15, to a 38 week stillborn baby and is scared to death of that repeating itself. No cause of death was ever found. That leaves B, who will be 17 in June, as witness to all these traumatic births of her older sisters. Of all my sisters, it's B I really want to be present for Anna's birth. She needs to see a normal, healthy, joyful birth.

There are wonderful organizations, like ICAN, working to change the birth culture in our country. There are many bloggers; mothers, OBs, midwives, childbirth educators, nurses. I love and admire the work they do and the difference they're making. However, it is so hard to change fears and attitudes in grown, child-bearing women. The fears are deeply rooted. The misinformation already wrapped up tightly in their minds.

Why don't we begin earlier? Give birth to a baby vaginally. Tell a two year old that a baby "comes out of mommy's vagina". Let your four year old tell you that birthing a baby is like catching lizards. Let a six year old witness birth. Let an eight year old hold your hand and kiss your face as you labor. Let a ten year old help catch a baby.

Let's bring our children up in a culture of trust and respect for birth and they will bring the birth machine down.